My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
