Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
