do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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