5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
