woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize