it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
