She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
