do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
