I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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