OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
