the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
