I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
