i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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