Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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