Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
why is half of my head shaved?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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