I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I faked an abortion last night.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
