3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize