I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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