no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
