My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
