this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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