i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
