I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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