Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
