I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
