anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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