I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
