Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
