your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think people are normalizing furries
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
