Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
