So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
