you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
