I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
