he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
