Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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