Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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