i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
