We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
