He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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