Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
