Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
