I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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