I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
