the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
