It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
