Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
