I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
