I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
