what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
