And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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