awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
