That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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