yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
