If i come over, it means nothing
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
