girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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