I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
