Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
