he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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