Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
