I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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