Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize