I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
