I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
