hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
