I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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