Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
