I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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