Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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