Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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