You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
