You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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