wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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