well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
