Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
