That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
