Who did Billy Mays play for?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
