Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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