I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
