I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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