I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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