she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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