similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
