it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
