so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
