There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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