is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
