Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
