She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
