i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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